Sigh. Paladins.

Paladins are lovely lads. So well meaning. So noble, good at hitting things with other things, that sort of thing. Some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, and great role models for your children.

If a thing is evil, fight it. If a thing is good, help it. It's a fine philosophy, but by Pelor's beard, sometimes it makes the buggers a bit daft.

I mean, supposing you end up in a pirate fortress, right? Better, say the fortress is probably under the control of an aboleth, particularly a telepath. So we can assume pretty reasonably that this thing is going to have ways to protect the brains of its minions, right? Or even mess with their minds until they don't even know there's an aboleth present. Being a bloody telepath, a reasonable person could assume this, and therefore assume that evil bastards in this place are probably going to be protected from looking evil. And that, furthermore, they're going to be mind controlled, confused, and bloody pirates, so they're probably not going to be entirely forthcoming about things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the non-violent solution when it presents itself. I'd be just as happy to accept a man's surrender, tie him up, and leave him stuffed in a barrel where he can't get me into any more trouble.

But these bastards are all just barely on what you might call the smooth talker end of things. Not that smooth, even, but a little bit. And I'm learning that my paladins start having unsolvable moral dilemmas the moment someone answers a question like "are you evil?" with anything other than a yes or no.

It's daft, and it just keeps happening. It seems that the only way I can get them to use their pointy things to hit people is if I get the damn thing started myself. And by then they've been confused by a damn game of "I know you are but what am I" for so long that the reinforcements have arrived.

I mean, really. I shouldn't have to hit things myself, should I? That's what Pelor made bloody paladins for.

Bastards.