Journal of Lt. Tupper, Day 223b-230

Last entry has been revised to occur on Day 223 as a recap of Day 222, as I am stupid.

Oh yes, almost forgot to mention the monstrous beholder that was waiting for us in the secret chamber accessed through the lever. It blinded me and glowered the hells out of the others. Fortunately Ragnar was kind enough to cure me today. As for the desertfolk, they're happy about our 'vanquishing' of the fire djinn and so they gave us a guide to help us find the cliff temple.

Herakles could not add two sums together without demolishing the ledger and declaring victory over rational thought.


Day 224
I have now learned to hate camels. Herakles once bet Atlas the world was flat.


Day 225
Herakles once came upon an anthill. "Strewth," he said, "I must smash it to prove myself in combat." And so he did. When he was finished, a lone ant crawled out of the dirt and asked why Herakles destroyed his home. "Strewth," he said, "I must smash it to prove myself in combat." And so he did.

There is no punchline. I am too tired to be amusing.


Day 226
Herakles once
fuck it.


Day 227
Piles of black ash around the camp. Guide says demons are responsible.


Day 228
More ash. Jittery. Tired.


Day 230
I TRAVEL WITH IDIOTS!

We found the damn cliff temple. The guide abandoned us a ways away from the place, using some preternatural sense that picks up on stupid decisions. As we approached it, we were shot at by ballistas with a paralyzing goop on them. Because a normal ballista bolt wasn't deadly enough. We manage to make it through the enemies' range of fire and get to the inside, where there was a staircase. Ragnar proceeded to run up the staircase before I could check it (understandable in the immediate conditions), and fell down a Goofy Larry chute trap. When I moved to disarm it, Fflam jumped down the chute. Then Chris jumped down the chute. Then Ariella goes down. Before I know it, Hrogar's knocked me down into it as well and followed suit. Because the deadliest part of a Goo chute trap is the chute itself, and not the RAZOR-SHARP SPIKES AT THE BOTTOM OF THEM. Even if there was a bed of hay instead of spikes at the end of it, the sheer force of five other people falling onto you can not be good for your health.

And so, Ragnar and Fflam were poisoned by the spikes at the bottom. Fortunately, no one died this time. After we dusted ourselves off, we found a grate covering a shaft leading downward. It, too, was booby-trapped, as Hrogar found out with his foot. The shaft led to a sewer with gigantic lizards roaming about. Surprisingly, they didn't attack us but they did lick us. The drow we met, however, were less friendly but about as violent. Hrogar asked these armed and wary gentlemen of the underground if they would surrender. After the drow made it very clear that they were not keen on giving up inside their own fortress, they led us to a jail cell and threw us in. I am more than a bit worried that they let us keep all of our equipment, as it likely means that they do not consider it to be useful in escape attempts.

On the off chance that they come around and execute us tomorrow morning: If found, please return this journal intact to Brigadier General A. Stuart, Sable Lions, Point of Origin. Money reward if returned.

Herakles and Pelor once assembled a number of paladins and other do-gooders together as part of a bet. Pelor bet that such a gathering would not die from their own stupidity. Herakles took that bet, and is currently standing to win.