Ragnarr: Idiots, Arseholes, and Other Bastards Who Try to Take Over the World

Pelor has a plan.

Yes, I know that's the kind of rubbish we clerics are always spouting out. It's a good way to shut up uppity bastards who ask too many questions. "Oh, no, Timmy, getting your leg chewed off by a dire ferret is no sign that the gods hate you. It's all part of their PLAN!"

Rubbish, really, and lazy rubbish at that. If you want to know why the dire ferret chewed off your leg, you'd better start with "Well, Timmy, here's what happens when you take a piss in a dire ferret's den." Because the gods aren't a badger, and if you're stupid enough to do something to that ferret, I don't think they'll give too much of a shite if you get eaten by the damn thing. If they're really nice, maybe they'll send me along to grow it back, later, but it's your own stupid fault for pissing off a ferret the size of your auntie.

But this isn't that kind of "Pelor has a plan" shite. I've seen his plan. I've felt it. I'm not rightly sure I remember it, exactly, but I've felt it. I know it's there.

And the bit that I'm sure of is that, for whatever reason, we're up against a shiteload of aboleths until the end. Or at least Arcadius is. The rest of us... who knows if we'll get that far. But this is the plan.

The trouble is that, sure, it's Pelor's plan. And I'm honored that I have a part in that plan, that I'll help to save the world from these bastards. I just have to wonder, a whee bit, why we have to fight bastards who are so damn smart.

I mean, you figure that, of all the bastards trying to take over the world, the huge majority have got to be stupid, right? For one thing, they want to rule the world, and I've seen the world, and I'm not really sure why these bastards want it. For another, these are individuals who honestly think that their evil plan to conquer the world isn't going to be stopped by some small group of warriors, hand picked by the gods themselves and protected by the hand of destiny to defeat the intruders.

You notice how, now that we're well underway, we meet some new, powerful warrior every time an old 0ne dies or has to leave? That would be the "the gods have a plan" bit. They've got the damn thing down to replacement bits.

And yet, bastards keep trying. So you might think that, being that none of the other bastards were successful, that these would be idiots with no sense of pattern recognition.

But do we get the job of fighting that guy? No. We get the smart bastard, the smarmy sort that reworks his entire damn plane of existence just to make our lives harder.

Bastards.

Then again, I suppose if these wankers were dumber, they wouldn't need the likes of us to shut them down.

Well damn, that makes complaining about it bloody hard. It's like Pelor has a plan or something.

I suppose it's back to trying to work out how to cast Revive Bruised Ego on the wizard, then.