Friends in Strange Places, Or Why It's Better to Lose Your Lizard than Your Spine

If there's one thing that's a bigger bastard about the plains than anything else, it's that damn near nothing is what you think it is by looking at it. And I don't mean looking at it with your eyes, but that's true, too. I mean magical sight sort of rubbish.

You're walking along, and your paladins go "Oh, shite, an evil dragon!"

Except, it's not a dragon, is it? It's a tiny bloody lizard. A talking lizard, sure, but hardly a dragon.

It's still evil, though. Maybe.

The fact is that if there's ways to make a bastard look evil. Most of them look like an illusion. So if you're already looking at an illusion that "Hey, that dinner-sized lizard looks like a dragon!" than how would you even begin to know if the damn thing is actually evil, or if that's an illusion, too?

It's a dirty trick. Lord knows it caused me no end of trouble a few times, no thank to that bastard Planar Lord.

Personally, the closest thing I've found to a sure method for evil is this: offer the bastard some food, or some liquor. If they turn it down? Look at the pirate king: didn't look evil, but sure as Hel's arse is cold was.

If they can be bought off with some dried fish, they're probably okay.

Well, probably. Though if they're sitting on your shoulder, you're likely to find out they're really evil when they chew through your spine.

Praise Pelor for good helmets.

And burn in hell, you blasted Ice Parrot, wherever you are. I hope you choked on those damn crackers.

Anyway. Probably just as well my lizard ran away. My spine might thank me later.