Journal of Crunch, Day ???-!!!

Two customers, one sale: 4 of the 5 arcwood chairs. Accompanying table was not sold.

Ragnarr appeared to be in his normal mood, however, he later enthusiastically promoted the idea of a general campaign of sexual conquest. Attempts to again explain my lack of genitalia were met again with disbelief as to my very existence. Purchasing further alcohol as proof did not sway him on the matter.

Hive Ward [Upper Inwards-Clockwards] Patrol completed. 3 muggers neutralized, 3/4ths of a pimp defense troop disabled, 1 pimp disabled, 7 prostitutes lectured. Next is Hive Ward [Upper Central Clockwards].

Conclusions: A reworking of the table design may be in order.


Delivered regular batch of toys to the St. Dawkins Home for Beleaguered Youth. One resident labeled me a "big ugly statue" and attacked my left shin repeatedly with his foot. The counter-response to this action gained the ire of the Sister Scroeder, and apologies were exchanged.

Ragnarr was quieter than usual. Attempts to draw him into a story or rant did not engage. Eventually he began singing, and led the establishment in a dwarven song about seeing the sky after a long time underground. He faded out during the choruses of "Fuck the sun! Fuck the sun! Fuck the sun! It's back to the mines with me!" Attempts to join in were met with thrown mugs and cursing.

Hive Ward [Upper Central Clockwards] Patrol completed. 3 con artists neutralized, 1 stabbing victim repaired, 2 city guard patrols evaded. City guard may have deduced my latest patrol pattern. Revising. Next is Hive Ward [Upper Inwards-Counterclockwards].

Conclusions: Some cultures are very protective of their heritage and rituals, to the exclusion of outsiders; this includes such aspects as music and wedgies. One must always progress carefully in foreign cultures lest you idly trod upon their values. Also, Ragnarr's mood must be approaching a low point. Perhaps an everburning torch deployed over his head during a state of heavy inebriation would invoke cheer in him. Will attempt this in the next cycle.


Zero customers, zero sales. Closed down shop early, invoked the powers of Boredom and Imagination, built a fort. Deployed series of mousetraps as ranged weaponry against the menace of the last arcwood chair, moved in with the hammer as a siege ram with flanking chisels for anti-glue support; was pinned down by nail archers and forced to retreat. The vile jar of varnish mocked the attempt while the fair broken cart toy sat cruelly imprisoned behind it. Was unable to mount a second attempt due to time constraints.

Ragnarr was unavailable for the alcoholic discourse session. The bartender informed me that another friend of his came to see him. Also unable to find Chris. Perhaps there are new circumstances regarding Leif. Will wait and see.

Hive Ward [Upper Inwards-Counterclockwards] Patrol canceled. Involuntary non-reality event was experienced during patrol operations. Events, places, and organics unknown yet recalled. No sense of self during the recall. A reference to Leif is remembered. Repair spells employed, but memory persists. Potential causes include recent overextension of Imagination and manipulation by hostile wizards. No other anomalous behavior observed. Will consult with Ragnarr in the next cycle. Resumed operations at shop.

Conclusions: Something is afoot.


One customer, zero sales. Hesitant to resume Imaginary rescue operations for the broken cart toy lest it worsen an existing condition.

Ragnarr has met with friends and compatriots from his time on his Material Plane. They have informed me that they seek to repair their home plane, and have found themselves here by accident. Volunteered to assist them, and they have accepted my assistance. While they travel with a gnome, she is exceptionally friendly and has yet to attempt any dismantlements.

Hive Ward [All] Patrols canceled indefinitely.

Conclusions: pending.


Have packed equipment and mobile property for transit to Material Plane subplane 3. All furniture in the shop donated to St. Dawkins Home for Beleaguered Youth. Landlord for the shop was informed of relevant events.

Memory assist: Names of New Unit
Arkadesh: human, male, frontline, dedicated. Has an accent that differs from the others.
Azan: human, male, frontline, aggressive.
Dantroe: dwarf, male, specialist, quiet. Carries no weapons.
Hrogar: human, male, frontline, self-assured.
Steinbjorn: elven, male, arcane magic practitioner, stern. Husband of Valdis.
Sztuczka: gnome, female, morale, creative. Carries no visible toolkits.
Tupper: human, male, specialist, sarcastic. Wears a lewd helm.
Valdis: elven, female, frontline, quiet. Wife of Steinbjorn.

Before briefing on the situation in Material Plane subplane 3, Tupper expressed disdain at my presence. Deployment of general introductory tactics were not successful. Am sure to practice further with this person.

Their unit seeks to thwart the maneuvers of a faction of aboleths, which have managed to provoke national conflict and conquer a city through subversion of will. These creatures are all assholes. The unit has battled against these creatures and their assorted minions for some time, to the point that the original unit has been bolstered and replaced with mercenaries, like-minded organics, and reinforcements from their point of origin.

Due to the actions of one of these aboleths, their unit arrived in a subplane of Mechanus against their will. They seek the destruction of this aboleth. The battle strategy is to open a portal from Sigil directly to the creature's location, and engage it in direct combat. Preparations are underway to properly equip for the maneuver, as the creature can control minds and subvert wills.

Conclusions: Assistance on the matter is required. No plane should be subject to the whims of one faction.

Annotation: Aboleths are large, fishlike creatures that are apathetic or amoral towards what they regard as 'lesser' sentient organics. They do not consist entirely of waste removal organs. Tupper does not appear to be knowledgeable about aboleths, and his reports on the subject should be confirmed with outside sources.

Annotation: Their point of origin is a city called Point of Origin. Perhaps it serves a similar function as Sigil does to the Outlands.

Annotation: The non-reality event was experienced by other members of the unit. It was a vision from forces unknown, meant to guide us on the mission. They have gathered much useful information from them in the past, and do not consider them signs of a defect. Resumption of Imagination invocations imminent.

Additional conclusions: Nails are ultimately no defense for the nefarious deeds of varnish jars!


Have accompanied Dantroe and Azan in a quest to aid an elven organic, a victim of the doings of the aboleth. Diagnostics have been completed on her, and repairs are under way. She will remain in Sigil in the company of Chris, Lief, Steinbjorn, and Valdis.

Execution of the mission begins shortly. If this the final entry, and this journal is found by others inside a strange keep, be warned! There is danger here! Guard yourself against invasions of the mind!

Conclusions: pending.