Well, that was unnecessarily painful. Needless to say, I am very much alive at this point (though it came in doubt several times in short succession during the past few hours). The plan was for Jacob and I to infiltrate the rear of the fort through a teleport spell and grab the staff, and for the rest of the group to provide a diversion at the main gate. Naturally this led to a rhinoceros and then imprisonment for both of us. The others fared a lot better. Eventually we all stopped hitting each other long enough to figure out the other side wasn't all that nasty, and a truce was called.
The fort belongs to a secret and ancient order of quasi-monks who task themselves with keeping the balance between good and evil. They came into possession of the staff after that illusionist came to them with it (apparently he thought they were someone else). They've been securely storing both the staff and the gnome since then. Oh yes, and they're not actually keen to kill us. That's my favorite part of all of this.
Only snare is, we can't take the staff with us. Admittedly, they've proven capable of guarding it far better than we did, and so we've agreed to keep in touch with each other by means of a communication rod. They are willing to relinquish the gnome to our custody. We've been debating on what to do with him, Ragnar says he's going to pray on the subject tonight.
Now, if you will excuse me dear spellbook, I will find a nice flat area to not bleed out on. The novelty of that may well shock me into unconsciousness.
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